it would appear that summer has officially ended. tanned and battered, i return to take my post as one of uf’s sassiest high school dropouts turned scholar at one of the top public universities in the nation (no. 15 to be exact but details are like butt holes, i think). now that my horn is pleasantly tooted, i can get into more pressing matters.
this summer brought with it some massive life changes. old family, new family, old love, new [infatuation], old job, new job, lots of intersecting paths between the present and the past. all said though, it was a very good summer imho. beddy beddy goo
story time.
this story involves the axis and a special friend that will hence forth be referred to as ‘big dog.’ the axis took a trip out to ocala to get some work done on my guitar, the acoustic and i’m still having separation anxiety btw, and check out big dog in his natural habitat. after receiving the somewhat heart-breaking news that i would be separated from my beloved for an indefinite amount of time, i was assured by the guitar tech that if the situation couldn’t be resolved I would get a new guitar of the same make and model which is also heart breaking in and of itself, we decided that lunch/dinner was needed as a night of drinking was to be had in the not-to-distant future. the axis moved in unity, full axis unity, with nephew, brothers, and sister. after a stellar meal which i paid 7.50 for, fucking sweet dick, big dog showed up, tooled out, and led the way back to the big dog fortress of solitude. ironically, big dog has dogs that aren’t really big at all, a grand discovery for nephew. pregaming ensued and i took a shower in what i would describe as water that smelled of eggs and poo. i was later informed that this was because big dog had well water or something of the sort and that it was perfectly normal. i had to be smelled a few times post shower to shake the fear of thinking i smelled of said water. after enough predrinking drinking had occurred, we hoofed it to omalley’s to begin the night’s festivities. big dog assured both i and brother drago that the females attendees of the evening’s event were primo. well and good. it was one of those things where you pay like 7 bux and drink all you want beer/wells blah blah. needless to say, we got heavily intoxicated but the vibe was slightly ascu. brother wasn’t feeling it so much as our usual hangouts but we had the best time we could given the circumstances. drago made out with, and grabbed the ass of, a bar lurking cougar. there is video somewhere of myself belligerently telling drago that he was a man and nothing would happen to him. for some reason i was convinced that he felt like he was in some danger. to protect the anonymity of the parties involved i will not share said video. i will tell you that it is epic. one of these days i will share the video of the ride home. it was also epic. right at the end of the night, as we were walking to big dog’s car, he bumped me, pretty hard, causing me to drunk stumble into his car. sister says that my reaction was to say, “whatever it’s your car asshole.” apparently big dog caught a spark drunken courage and decided that a slap on the jaw was what i needed. he executed but kinda hit my cheek. in a truly drunken bro fun moment, we squared up and started circling. i was quite inebriated at this point and used a jab setup for a right cross, open-handed, bitch slap which landed squarely on big dog’s jaw. the jab setup might be a bit of an embellishment. i pretty much squared and threw like an overhand right kinda thing that completely changed the expression on his face. the rest of the ride home he would lift his hand and make threatening movements to which I would respond drunkenly, don’t even think about it. the ride home was more fun. with brother at the wheel, i manned the iPod and played some very old-school east coast rap, obnoxiously loud, the whole ride home. good times.
class is now starting. later.
